Journals49
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1. If your doctor told you today that you were pregnant, what would you say?
Shocking, considering my lack of the necessary organs.
2. Do you trust all of your friends?
Maybe...
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
If I needed to.
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
perhaps...
5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
No. I'm broke.
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Tyray
7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Sometimes...
9. Is there someone/something who pops into your mind at random times?
Certainly.
10. What's your most favourite scar?
Wouldn't you like to know...
11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
A few years ago.
12. What did the last text message you sent say?
I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain, what a glorious feeling, I'm happy again!
13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Hee-hee!
14. Fill in the blank. I love...
Rasi.
15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Gain back my freedom and independence.
16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
Rasi and my parents.
17. How many kids do you want to have?
Not a question I'm prepared to answer right now.
18. Would you make a good parent?
I'd like to think so.
19. Where was your face book profile picture taken?
In the box.
20. Whats your middle name?
Joseph
21. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
I wish I were home in bed...
22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
My lips are sealed on that.
23. Who was or will be the maid of honor/ best man in your wedding?
Arius will probably be the best man, if we evn decide to go all formal like that...
24. What are you wearing right now?
Fishnet undershirt, Joker t-shirt, red pants, super mario boxers, black socks.
25. Righty or Lefty?
Right
26. Best place to eat?
At home.
27. Favorite jeans?
Those red ones I mentioned earlier.
28. Favorite animal?
Birds, particularly ravens, crows, sparrows, and cardinals.
29. Favourite juice?
White cranberry.
30. Have you had the chicken pox?
Yes
31. Have you had a sore throat?
Yes
32. Ever had a bar fight?
no
33. Who knows you the best?
Ras.
34. Shoe size?
11
35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
No (20/20 vision, fools!)
36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Many times...
37. Been to Mexico?
no
38. Did you buy something today?
nope.
39. Did you get sick today?
A bit.
40. Do you miss someone today?
terribly...
41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
No
42. When is the last time you had a massage?
Who knows...
43. Last person to lay in your bed?
Besides myself, Ras.
44. Last person to see you cry?
No one.
45. Who made you cry?
Ras...
46. What was the last TV show you watched?
The Mighty Boosh (best thing on tv)
47. What are your plans for the weekend?
Sleep and hopefully see some people I need to see.
48. Who do you think will return this?
Probably no one.
49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
Vance (he's asleep)
50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
Wow...um....Of course. Of course I'll marry you.
Shocking, considering my lack of the necessary organs.
2. Do you trust all of your friends?
Maybe...
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
If I needed to.
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
perhaps...
5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
No. I'm broke.
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Tyray
7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Sometimes...
9. Is there someone/something who pops into your mind at random times?
Certainly.
10. What's your most favourite scar?
Wouldn't you like to know...
11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
A few years ago.
12. What did the last text message you sent say?
I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain, what a glorious feeling, I'm happy again!
13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Hee-hee!
14. Fill in the blank. I love...
Rasi.
15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Gain back my freedom and independence.
16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
Rasi and my parents.
17. How many kids do you want to have?
Not a question I'm prepared to answer right now.
18. Would you make a good parent?
I'd like to think so.
19. Where was your face book profile picture taken?
In the box.
20. Whats your middle name?
Joseph
21. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
I wish I were home in bed...
22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
My lips are sealed on that.
23. Who was or will be the maid of honor/ best man in your wedding?
Arius will probably be the best man, if we evn decide to go all formal like that...
24. What are you wearing right now?
Fishnet undershirt, Joker t-shirt, red pants, super mario boxers, black socks.
25. Righty or Lefty?
Right
26. Best place to eat?
At home.
27. Favorite jeans?
Those red ones I mentioned earlier.
28. Favorite animal?
Birds, particularly ravens, crows, sparrows, and cardinals.
29. Favourite juice?
White cranberry.
30. Have you had the chicken pox?
Yes
31. Have you had a sore throat?
Yes
32. Ever had a bar fight?
no
33. Who knows you the best?
Ras.
34. Shoe size?
11
35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
No (20/20 vision, fools!)
36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Many times...
37. Been to Mexico?
no
38. Did you buy something today?
nope.
39. Did you get sick today?
A bit.
40. Do you miss someone today?
terribly...
41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
No
42. When is the last time you had a massage?
Who knows...
43. Last person to lay in your bed?
Besides myself, Ras.
44. Last person to see you cry?
No one.
45. Who made you cry?
Ras...
46. What was the last TV show you watched?
The Mighty Boosh (best thing on tv)
47. What are your plans for the weekend?
Sleep and hopefully see some people I need to see.
48. Who do you think will return this?
Probably no one.
49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
Vance (he's asleep)
50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
Wow...um....Of course. Of course I'll marry you.
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Still Alive
3 min read
Hello everyone. I made it through the night, and my what a tumultuous night it seemed to be.
I really was going to do it. The knife and the bottle of Advil just seemed so inviting. I was in alot of pain and emotional distress. I was hurting and the only way I thought I would be able to relieve it was by killing myself.
It seemed to be the end for me. I couldn't call anyone and I had nothing but my negative thoughts to hold me (or strangle me) through the night. It was incredibly late and any of my friends who had any hope of saving me were well into their dreams, with no way for me to contact them. I stood upon the edge of the abyss, ready to jump...
But I didn't. The thought of all my friends and all the people who love and care about me. I thought of all the people who fought to keep me alive and save me from doing what I was going to do. I thought about how if I were to go through with ending my life, it would be like spitting in their faces. It would be like betraying them and I couldn't bring myself to do such a thing. I started to cry.
I got the notion to call the suicide prevention hotline. A man named John was working there and he did the simplest of things: he listened. He just let me talk and say everything that I was thinking and feeling and he provided a comforting voice and a listening ear and he just let me get out all that I was feeling. We talked for 2 hours. And, once I had said everything I could say and I had told John everything, I went to sleep.
I didn't cut. I didn't take any pills or do any drugs. I went to sleep.
A man named John, a man I had never met and likely never will saved my life. I can never thank him enough for that.
I'm really sorry for worrying all of you, my dearest friends. I know that when you read the journal, you all must have been scared and worried. I'm sorry for putting you all through that. I just want you all to know that I'm feeling much better. I'm alive and I intend to keep it that way.
Thank you. I love you. Always and forever. For the rest of my days.
Love,
HanzA
I really was going to do it. The knife and the bottle of Advil just seemed so inviting. I was in alot of pain and emotional distress. I was hurting and the only way I thought I would be able to relieve it was by killing myself.
It seemed to be the end for me. I couldn't call anyone and I had nothing but my negative thoughts to hold me (or strangle me) through the night. It was incredibly late and any of my friends who had any hope of saving me were well into their dreams, with no way for me to contact them. I stood upon the edge of the abyss, ready to jump...
But I didn't. The thought of all my friends and all the people who love and care about me. I thought of all the people who fought to keep me alive and save me from doing what I was going to do. I thought about how if I were to go through with ending my life, it would be like spitting in their faces. It would be like betraying them and I couldn't bring myself to do such a thing. I started to cry.
I got the notion to call the suicide prevention hotline. A man named John was working there and he did the simplest of things: he listened. He just let me talk and say everything that I was thinking and feeling and he provided a comforting voice and a listening ear and he just let me get out all that I was feeling. We talked for 2 hours. And, once I had said everything I could say and I had told John everything, I went to sleep.
I didn't cut. I didn't take any pills or do any drugs. I went to sleep.
A man named John, a man I had never met and likely never will saved my life. I can never thank him enough for that.
I'm really sorry for worrying all of you, my dearest friends. I know that when you read the journal, you all must have been scared and worried. I'm sorry for putting you all through that. I just want you all to know that I'm feeling much better. I'm alive and I intend to keep it that way.
Thank you. I love you. Always and forever. For the rest of my days.
Love,
HanzA
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My Final Entry
1 min read
It appears as though my life has gone up in smoke, comrades. I now have to move back in to my parents house and give that bitch the satisfaction of knowing she was right about me. There it goes. I'm finished. My roommate has made it completely clear that there is no way he'll have me as a roommate anymore and I'm going to have to leave the apartment and go back to my fucking parents. I'm completely finished. My life is over. There is no hope.
That being said, I have to go now. It was lovely knowing all of you. I appreciate the times we had, but I have to leave. Theres only one now.
I'm headed down the spiral and I can't take any of you with me. I love you all.
This is my last entry.
It sure was an epic journey, huh?
See you all on the other side of the universe, everyone...
Love, always and forever,
Hans Joseph Femrite
February 13th, 1990-February 23, 2009
That being said, I have to go now. It was lovely knowing all of you. I appreciate the times we had, but I have to leave. Theres only one now.
I'm headed down the spiral and I can't take any of you with me. I love you all.
This is my last entry.
It sure was an epic journey, huh?
See you all on the other side of the universe, everyone...
Love, always and forever,
Hans Joseph Femrite
February 13th, 1990-February 23, 2009
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It's my 19th birthday!!
3 min read
I have returned to DA and I gotta tell you, a lot of things in my life have changed. I moved out of my parents house last november and into an apt with a coworker from the movie theatre that I was working at. My roommate (Paul) and I have both had our ups and downs and right now, I have no idea where we stand. The reason we've been so rocky with each other is because we've had some pretty aggravating experiences in living together. I have ended up owing him money for rent several times and (due to a "financial miscalculation") he's in need of what I owe him. This is horribly unfair because I have no money and haven't started working yet. It's a little ridiculous. That's also not to say I don't have any grievances towards him. H's done some pretty aggravating shit (stuff that would be inappropriate to get into publicly and online. Just know, I wouldn't really care if it wasn't so horrid.), which I shouldn't really get into. It's been pretty difficult...
I lost my job at the movie theatre in december which is what made my situation so difficult. Once I moved, the commute from Anacostia (the rather isolated southside of DC) to Metro Center (the relative middle of DC) was really difficult and I was tardy a good number of times. I still need to find a job soon, or things might get really heavy, really quick. Luckily I have a couple leads to go check out. So, all is not lost. I just hope that everything works out for me...
Today is my 19th birthday. Another year has gone by and I felt (at roughly 3:26 am), in addition to horribly ill (sweating profusely, feverish, coughing, hacking, etc.) I reflected on my year. It's been strange for sure. And recently, things have just gotten really downwards. It's a little off putting. But, this morning (roughly 10:14 am) I realized that it could have been a whole lot worse. Every existential crisis, every time I felt that my life was falling apart, every time that all hope was gone, all the times I was going to just give up, I was saved. I was saved by the people who really care about me. For this, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. With every ounce of my soul and aspect of my being, I thank you.
I already made my birthday wish, and while I can't tell you what it is, I just know that it'll come true. I feel that everthing is going to be alright. I just gotta believe!
Today is my 19th birthday. I'm another year older, but infinitely wiser than I was before. My resolve has been strengthened and I hope that you all, my friends, will be with me for all the years to come. Thank you all.
Love, always,
HanzA
I lost my job at the movie theatre in december which is what made my situation so difficult. Once I moved, the commute from Anacostia (the rather isolated southside of DC) to Metro Center (the relative middle of DC) was really difficult and I was tardy a good number of times. I still need to find a job soon, or things might get really heavy, really quick. Luckily I have a couple leads to go check out. So, all is not lost. I just hope that everything works out for me...
Today is my 19th birthday. Another year has gone by and I felt (at roughly 3:26 am), in addition to horribly ill (sweating profusely, feverish, coughing, hacking, etc.) I reflected on my year. It's been strange for sure. And recently, things have just gotten really downwards. It's a little off putting. But, this morning (roughly 10:14 am) I realized that it could have been a whole lot worse. Every existential crisis, every time I felt that my life was falling apart, every time that all hope was gone, all the times I was going to just give up, I was saved. I was saved by the people who really care about me. For this, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. With every ounce of my soul and aspect of my being, I thank you.
I already made my birthday wish, and while I can't tell you what it is, I just know that it'll come true. I feel that everthing is going to be alright. I just gotta believe!
Today is my 19th birthday. I'm another year older, but infinitely wiser than I was before. My resolve has been strengthened and I hope that you all, my friends, will be with me for all the years to come. Thank you all.
Love, always,
HanzA
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100 Truths
5 min read
I only do the ones that seem like they're going to be a whole lot of fun! This is a great way for people to learn more about me. Here we go!
100 Truths
001. Name: Hans
002. Nickname(s): HanzA
003. Status: (status?) The mission is proceeding as expected, Sir!
004. Zodiac sign: Aquarius
005. Male or female: I'm a handsome young gentleman, but I sure made a pretty girl that ne Halloween...
006. Elementary: Multiple (we moved a lot!)
007. Middle School: Jefferson JHS
008. High School: Cesar Chavez PCHS (Fuck high school!! Graaah!!!)
009. Smart: Super genius (grades are completely extraneous from ones intelligence)
010. Hair color: Black (but I dyed it 8 times in the last month...)
011. Tall or short: 5'10" and 1/2
012. Loud or Quiet: I toe the line between both.
013. Sweats or Jeans: I own a single pair of jeans and no sweatpants. Most of my pants are whatever cargos are usually made out of...
014. Phone or Camera: I've never had a camera and I never have a working phone for too long...
015. Health freak: Not at all, save for watching what/how much I eat...
016. Drink or Smoke?: I don't drink very often, but I am a smoker.
017. Do you have a crush on someone?: hehehe...
018. Eating or Drinking: I don't prefer either. But water is my lifeblood...
019. Piercing: I want gauges in mah ears!
020. Tattoos: Absolutely. I want to get red stars going down my spine and the shock symbol on the web of my right hand. I also want the quote "Vi veri veniversum vivus vici" ("By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe") somewhere, along with its translation.
FIRSTS:
023. First piercing: Left ear.
024. First best friend: Paul (I miss that guy...)
025. First award: Hmm...I don't remember...I think it was for perfect attendance...
026. First crush: Her name was Ada and she was the girl next door.
027. First pet: Oscar the rottweiler (did I spell that properly?) who didn't really belong to us.
028. First big vacation: Jersey.
030. First big birthday: My first birthday! I was the man of the night! Toast of the town!
CURRENTLY:
049. Eating: Nothing.
050. Drinking: Coffee.
052. I'm about to: Give my watchers a long awaited status report.
053. Listening to: Tourniquet-Marilyn Manson
054. Plans for today: Acting class, then work.
YOUR FUTURE:
058. Want kids?: Hmmm...I don't know yet...
059. Want to get married?: At some point, maybe...
060. Careers: Writer/actor
WHICH IS BETTER WITH OPPOSITE SEX?
068. Lips or eyes: I really like both...
070. Shorter or taller?: Hmm, I'm usually taller than whoever I'm with, but it doesn't really matter...
072. Romantic or spontaneous: Both are really nice to have.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms: I really love for them to have both (I'm so indecisive...
)
074. Sensitive or loud: Again, I like both.
075. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship, although a nice hook-up can be a nice thing.
077. Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends on what kind of trouble...hehehe...
HAVE YOU EVER:
080. Lost glasses/contacts: I've got 20/20 vision, yo!
081. Ran away from home: Yes (I've been kicked out, too...).
084. Broken someone's heart: Sadly, I have...many a time...
085. Been arrested: Does getting pegged by truancy count?
087. Cried when someone died: Yeah, but I'm a little desensitized now...
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself: You bet. Who else can I for sure believe in?
090. Miracles: I hope for them, sometimes...
091. Love at first sight: Yes.
092. Heaven: Heaven is a state of being.
093. Santa Clause: I'm part of the International League of Santa Clauses. I'm known as Santa Hans, and am not on duty for the next seventeen years (yuletide suspension from sleighing without a license and aggravated assault on an elf.).
094. Sex on the first date: No way! That's a little sleazy. Madame, I ama gentleman!
095. Kiss on the first date: Umm...
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. A funny cartoon: Invader Zim
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life: Right now, I've gotta say I am. The grass is so much greener than it was a few days ago.
099. Do you believe in God: No.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag
i tag...whichever kind soul took the time to read the rantings of an old warhorse.
100 Truths
001. Name: Hans
002. Nickname(s): HanzA
003. Status: (status?) The mission is proceeding as expected, Sir!
004. Zodiac sign: Aquarius
005. Male or female: I'm a handsome young gentleman, but I sure made a pretty girl that ne Halloween...
006. Elementary: Multiple (we moved a lot!)
007. Middle School: Jefferson JHS
008. High School: Cesar Chavez PCHS (Fuck high school!! Graaah!!!)
009. Smart: Super genius (grades are completely extraneous from ones intelligence)
010. Hair color: Black (but I dyed it 8 times in the last month...)
011. Tall or short: 5'10" and 1/2
012. Loud or Quiet: I toe the line between both.
013. Sweats or Jeans: I own a single pair of jeans and no sweatpants. Most of my pants are whatever cargos are usually made out of...
014. Phone or Camera: I've never had a camera and I never have a working phone for too long...
015. Health freak: Not at all, save for watching what/how much I eat...
016. Drink or Smoke?: I don't drink very often, but I am a smoker.
017. Do you have a crush on someone?: hehehe...
018. Eating or Drinking: I don't prefer either. But water is my lifeblood...
019. Piercing: I want gauges in mah ears!
020. Tattoos: Absolutely. I want to get red stars going down my spine and the shock symbol on the web of my right hand. I also want the quote "Vi veri veniversum vivus vici" ("By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe") somewhere, along with its translation.
FIRSTS:
023. First piercing: Left ear.
024. First best friend: Paul (I miss that guy...
)025. First award: Hmm...I don't remember...I think it was for perfect attendance...
026. First crush: Her name was Ada and she was the girl next door.
027. First pet: Oscar the rottweiler (did I spell that properly?) who didn't really belong to us.
028. First big vacation: Jersey.
030. First big birthday: My first birthday! I was the man of the night! Toast of the town!
CURRENTLY:
049. Eating: Nothing.
050. Drinking: Coffee.
052. I'm about to: Give my watchers a long awaited status report.
053. Listening to: Tourniquet-Marilyn Manson
054. Plans for today: Acting class, then work.
YOUR FUTURE:
058. Want kids?: Hmmm...I don't know yet...
059. Want to get married?: At some point, maybe...
060. Careers: Writer/actor
WHICH IS BETTER WITH OPPOSITE SEX?
068. Lips or eyes: I really like both...
070. Shorter or taller?: Hmm, I'm usually taller than whoever I'm with, but it doesn't really matter...
072. Romantic or spontaneous: Both are really nice to have.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms: I really love for them to have both (I'm so indecisive...
)074. Sensitive or loud: Again, I like both.
075. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship, although a nice hook-up can be a nice thing.
077. Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends on what kind of trouble...hehehe...
HAVE YOU EVER:
080. Lost glasses/contacts: I've got 20/20 vision, yo!
081. Ran away from home: Yes (I've been kicked out, too...).
084. Broken someone's heart: Sadly, I have...many a time...
085. Been arrested: Does getting pegged by truancy count?
087. Cried when someone died: Yeah, but I'm a little desensitized now...
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself: You bet. Who else can I for sure believe in?
090. Miracles: I hope for them, sometimes...
091. Love at first sight: Yes.
092. Heaven: Heaven is a state of being.
093. Santa Clause: I'm part of the International League of Santa Clauses. I'm known as Santa Hans, and am not on duty for the next seventeen years (yuletide suspension from sleighing without a license and aggravated assault on an elf.).
094. Sex on the first date: No way! That's a little sleazy. Madame, I ama gentleman!
095. Kiss on the first date: Umm...
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. A funny cartoon: Invader Zim
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life: Right now, I've gotta say I am. The grass is so much greener than it was a few days ago.
099. Do you believe in God: No.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag
i tag...whichever kind soul took the time to read the rantings of an old warhorse.
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